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I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared at that point, since they had been only interested in the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort toward our bond, likely grasped better what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several close to her have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, although she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us stepped back from work leading to more time together, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation to a nation I've visited on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to share insights, however, my input met with resistance. She purely only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I recently ended a month in that place she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially is to state what typically happens in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for a set time."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject everything, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a story of their life they won't release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way and then think about what you've said. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides closure knowing you were open and direct.